Image

David Miscavige: Gay Male Prostitute #1

COB.Whore

COB.Whore.2

COB.Nooo

“I just knew it! COB’s bitchiness told me that girl was working the streets!”

Super Power Completion #3000

crazy-looking-crazy-man

OT VIII Zeke Manson of Vancouver, Washington is Super Power completion #3000.

Sez Zeke Staley, “WOW WOW WOW! This Super Power is the supercharged shit! I was POW! having cogs every 2.8 seconds!!!

“I lost my bowels and bladder when perceptic 47 opened. It was like @WOW! I was needing me a new Purif jumpsuit asap cause it was one hot savage mess in that course room!!!!!! Preclears with no confront on my MEST were blowing left and right!

“But I didn’t ridge cuz it was just SHAMWOW! I cognited that I needed to do OT III again and again and again until I was flat on the 76 planets because what’s true for me dude is that there were only 47 planets involved! Can’t you see it man? 47!

“47, 47, 47, and I’m loving me some hot little COB in the Super Power men’s showers, my own Pope on a rope!!!

“I was blowing huge chunks of charge here on Super Power!!!

“All you need to do is arrive at Flag and the rest is @WOOOO HOOOO! the fully hatted and grooved in Flag staff takes care of the rest! And if you’re sec-checked don’t ridge if they ask if you’ve ever stuck a rat up yer ass! It’s just the Senior C/S fuckin’ witcha with the murder routine. Whadda douchebag that guy is!!!”

Round Two: Bart Dixslurper, Esq. Legal Correspondence with Science Monkeying-Nutford (the Third)

Round One: Bart Dixslurper, Esq. Legal Correspondence with Science Monkeying-Nutford (the Third)and his solicitors

CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION

4 Feb 2016
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
To: OSA PR
Re: COB PR Image Problems

The PR survey OSA asked my firm to conduct is completed. When surveyed, wogs who have never heard of COB RTC David Miscavige were shown this picture:

david-miscavige-freewinds-event-2009

The survey was conclusive: Surveyed wogs felt the photo sent a mixed message: Is the glib television pitchman in the tuxedo selling encyclopedias or is he recruiting for the Navy?

The challenge of positioning COB RTC David Miscavige as a global ecclesiastical leader to new audiences is daunting — particularly if new audiences search for Mr. Miscavige online.

An investigation of R6 implant religions shows that traditional global ecclesiastical leaders do not wear tuxedos. Our survey showed that the wearing of a tuxedo is associated with funeral directors, florists, television pitchmen, beauty pageant hosts, waiters, and Las Vegas lounge singers.

Our survey indicates that OSA needs to dress COB in more suitably ecclesiastical vestments for 2016:

pope-miscavige-11_zpscrnamden

4th February 2016
From: Hartley Kyk-Yerarse (Senior Partner) Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse
To: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
Re: PR Survey

Dear Mr. Dixslurper,

It is with great dismay that I find your firm merely undertakes Public Relations surveys. Since I have been engaged by my client, you have been fraudulently giving the impression of being a fully qualified lawyer, and now, less than twenty-four hours later it is found that your organisation merely collects and collates surveys. You can imagine the dim view I and my partners take of such unethical behaviour.

Could you pass all information pertaining to my client (and the missive of this morning) to someone competently qualified to deal with these sorts of formal, legal enquiries. I expect prompt confirmation that these simple tasks have been executed.

Yours sincerely,

p.p. U. R. Ina Pickles

Hartley Kyk-Yerarse

S. O. Weir
T. O. T. Ally Gunner-Wynn &
Hartley Kyk-Yerarse
Senior Partners
Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse Solicitors LLC (Estd. 1568) 35 London, Englandshire.

CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION

4th February 2016
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
To: Hartley Kyk-Yerarse (Senior Partner) Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse
Re: Follow Up to Your Rude and Insulting Letter

Dear Pickles,

Our firm is a real law firm. I earned my law degree at the prestigious Sequoia Law University. From time to time our client the Church of Scientology requests that we undertake surveillance, err, strike that. From time to time our client requests that we undertake surveys to determine wog attitudes.

There is no law preventing a law firm from conducting surveys for its clients.

On another matter, our firm has 30 new and unused sets of the Scientology Basics sitting in our offices. May I interest you in a set for the bargain price of $9,000?

Sincerely,

Bart Dixslurper, Esq

4th February 2016
From: Hartley Kyk-Yerarse (Senior Partner) Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse
To: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
Re: Follow up to initial contact

Dear Mr. Dixslurper,

That being the case, we would respectfully request some sort of response to our initial letter of this morning. Should you have lost it amongst the surveillance files surveys for your clients, we enclose a copy herewith:

4th February 2016
From: Hartley Kyk-Yerarse (Senior Partner) Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse
To: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
Re: Cease and Desist (pertaining to my Client, Science Monkeying-Nutford {the Third})

Dear Mr. Dixslurper,

I find myself in the disappointing position this morning of being informed by my client, again, of your vexatious Cease and Desist communications to this community (and by extension, my client)–coming so soon after our previous correspondence (enc: https://otviiisgrrr8.wordpress… ), where it was expressly stated by my client that any further communication should solely be via the offices of my good self. It was after this perceived resolution that my client felt further unfounded, nay, totally unwarranted attempts to restrict the expression of free speech would cease.

It is therefore, with heavy heart, that I must formally request that you Cease and Desist forthwith, and with immediate effect, in your endeavours to restrict Free Speech through the frivolous and vexatious misapplication of the Law. A complaint against you has been filed with your Bar Association. Furthermore, your client’s chairman (or is it your client? Or do you represent both? Some clarity would be appreciated) appears to be in immediate need of some sort of urgent palliative medical or psychiatric care, as alluded to in earlier correspondence, if he feels the need to further engage your services in this manner.

At this juncture, I am reminded of the wise words of my Great-great-great-grandfather, Comprehensively: “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but slanderous words are chargeable by the hour.” Advice I heed to this day, as should your client(s). Furthermore, my client has just phoned, and requested that I should reiterate on his behalf–if your client(s) choose to feel that my client has posted material of a libelous nature: Come over here and sue him then (a proposition I and my fellow senior partners relish–see above re. words).

It is particularly worrying that you write with such apparent gusto at people being hanged in public–such violence and depravity was done away with in great-great-great-grandad Compo’s time over here. You should be ashamed of yourself. Furthermore, the thought of turning something as vile as a hanging into some sort of perverse village fête, with a dose of aural torture to go with the already abhorrent spectacle (I know not of these ‘selfies’ of which you speak–I presume it is merely a further horror in this carnival of horrors that you envisage). Perhaps you also should be seeking, with alacrity, some sort of psychological therapeutic care.

To conclude:
My client (Science Monkeying-Nutford III alias $cnMonkeyNut$) flatly refuses to comply with any of the requests of your client(s), as outlined above–joking and degrading will continue apace (as a simian, he has never been ashamed of anything, and will therefore continue in that vein). There will be no cessation of the behaviour alleged to be lawless by your client(s)–therefore no confirmation will be forthcoming by the date specified.
FURTHERMORE: Any and all communications that reference my client, even indirectly (such as the above), from henceforth must be made SOLELY via my office–should my client feel you have made any further vexatious communications, we will institute proceedings of harassment against your client(s) in all relevant jurisdictions.

Should you decide to progress to legal proceedings, we look forward to seeing you in Court.

Yours sincerely,

p.p. U. R. Ina Pickles

Hartley Kyk-Yerarse

Given the grave nature of the matters alluded to in this epistle, urgent response is required.

Yours sincerely,

p.p. U. R. Ina Pickles

Hartley Kyk-Yerarse

S. O. Weir
T. O. T. Ally Gunner-Wynn &
Hartley Kyk-Yerarse
Senior Partners

Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse Solicitors LLC (Estd. 1568) 35 London, Englandshire.

PS. Thank you, no–we have enough books containing far more useful information, for far, far less.

From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
To: Hartley Kyk-Yerarse (Senior Partner) Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse
Re: Follow Up to Your Rude and Insulting Letter #2

My Dearest Hartley Kyk-Yerarse,

You appear to be stuck in an electronic incident. May I suggest you destimulate from your electronic incident?

To address your points:

1. My client will not Cease and Desist from protected religious activities.

2. The public hanging of a large number of Suppressive Persons is, we argue, a protected religious activity in America. My client believes in, and solemnly practices, Scientology Religious Theater.

3. Scientology Religious Theater is a subspecies of American religious grotesquerie — a subject you British and your impeccable manners are wholly unable to understand because it does not comport with your notions of proper spectacle. Hence, you maliciously revile and castigate our proposed public hanging as an “already abhorrent spectacle” and a “carnival of horrors.” They are no such thing sir! Indeed, if you want a real carnival of horrors I suggest you watch the American presidential primaries to which we are currently being involuntarily subjected to here in the States. How many times must I see Donald Trump’s “Marcab hair” before I gouge my eyes out with forks a la Scientology artist Gottfried Helnwein’s album cover for the Scorpions?

4. As your client is a monkey he has no legal standing in the law courts of America. I do not know the laws in your land, but animals cannot file lawsuits here against religious leaders (or their lawyers). While your client may feel himself to be a wronged monkey, his lack of standing as a natural human person bars him from alleging that I am being vexatious in any way whatsoever. Were your client my responsibility, I would gladly sell him to Kirstie Alley to add to her menagerie and be done with him.

5. Due to a felony conviction, and this was a travesty of justice in which I was falsely accused of embezzling a staggering sum of money from a family trust, I had to turn in my passport and am not allowed to travel abroad. Hence I will not be able to fly to the UK to sue you or your client. I might add that the electronic ankle monitoring bracelet I must wear as a condition of my parole makes travel very uncomfortable.

As to my earlier question: Our firm has 30 new and unused sets of the Scientology Basics sitting in our offices. May I interest you in a set for the bargain price of $9,000? I will offer you a professional courtesy discount of 20% if you purchase one or more sets today.

Sincerely,

Bart Dixslurper, Esq

5th February 2016
From: Hartley Kyk-Yerarse (Senior Partner) Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse
To: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
Re: Further exquisitely polite insults.

Dear Mr. Dixslurper,

I fail to understand to what you are referring when you mention an ‘electronic incident’. I don’t recall ever having had electronic incidents, and if I had, the IT johnny said I just had to turn it off and on again. I further fail to understand what you mean when you use the word ‘destimulate’, as I am unable to find that term in either the Full Oxford English Dictionary or in Merriam-Webster–please elucidate.

I shall enumerate my responses to your numbered list:

i) My Client would contend that the ‘religious’ activities alleged by your client actually are, in fact, illegal acts that include (but are not limited to): obtaining financial advantage through fraudulent representations to a Federal Department (to wit: the unlawful 1993 IRS Agreement); the use of the aforementioned illegally sourced funds to hire private investigators and crooked ex-public servants to undertake surveillance and harassment of ex-members and critics of your clients; your clients file multiple strategic lawsuits against public participation to quash opposition; your client runs scientifically dangerous rehab facilities that make multiple fraudulent claims of efficacy and pecunious claims of the Health Insurance industry; your clients make fraudulent use of the ‘R1–Non-Immigrant Religious Worker Visa’ Scheme; and the issuing of vexatious and entirely unenforceable cease and desist letters. If this constitutes religious behaviour in the United States currently, then God help us.

ii and iii) ‘Scientology Religious Theatre’ My thoughts on your self-described ‘religiously protected grotesquerie’ of public executions sounds like a 19th century tarring and feathering… but updated for the modern age into a hideous and gaudy travesty, with ‘ethnic snacks and musical entertainments’–and the possibility of having one’s photograph taken with a man with wandering hands, whose visage also looks more like a melon with a crudely drawn face tacked onto it (if the photographs attached with today’s ’blog post’ are to be believed). With respect to the Presidential Primaries, we were given to understand that a Canadian gentleman had triumphed, and the intolerance rhetoric champion of interesting coiffure was knocked into third place to lick his wounds… but I digress.

iv) Whilst my Client, Mr. S. Monkeying-Nutford the Third, may be of the simian persuasion, he is quite capable of making his requirements known in an understandable manner to those able to advocate on his behalf. I am such a person, having represented the Monkeying-Nutfords since the start of my junior partnership at this very firm. The Partnership has been managing the affairs, both legal and financial, of this family for many hundreds of years–since the original Monkeying saved Mad Captain Bewilderforce ‘Windy Nutter’ Nutford from a certain death by falling from high in the rigging of his frigate, while he was attempting a hornpipe on the fore royal yard. Thereafter, Monkeying was accorded the sobriquet of ‘Saviour Monkeying’ and on Captain Windy’s return to England, he made over a significant portion of his fortune (Captain Windy having been successful in prize money during the various colonial wars of the era), and the management thereof to my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, William (or Will, to close acquaintances). The Monkeying Inheritance was entailed in 1779. Regrettably, in 1847, Mad Captain Windy’s grandson, Nathaniel Unburden Temptation (they were very religious back then, so much so–it was probably the reason why issue, there was none!) died without a legitimate heir–thereby enabling a sub-clause in Captain Windy’s Will which entailed the remainder of the Nutford Fortune (and Nutford name and properties–including the prestigious Nutford Hall in the rolling Cotswolds), to the descendants of Saviour Monkeying, by now his great-great-grandson, Naughty Monkeying (being attentively cared for by the staff at The Hall, and with free range of the Hall and park), became Naughty Monkeying-Nutford, was accepted into polite society and became a valuable member of the idle rich. Our only disappointment was an inability to get the Nutford Baronetcy transferred… well, you have to lose sometimes, and that was ours… but I digress further. Suffice to say that I have successfully represented Mr. S. Monkeying-Nutford on many occasions, and he has never been convicted of public nudity or the flinging of excrement–so I consider my skills well honed to filing suit on behalf of my client and fully understanding his intentions.

v) No problem, we hear that a gentleman named Ray Jeffrey does sterling work on your side of the pond–we shall endeavour to engage his services. We’ll bring the lawsuit to you (because we’re nice like that… and we have a bottomless Trust Fund to empty for this very purpose). We hope this suits.

With regards to the books apparently filling your every available shelving space to no avail, let them remain there. My client has made me fully aware of the thorough lack of value, import or fact in your founder’s ‘psychological folk-art’.

Yours sincerely,

p.p. U. R. Ina Pickles

Hartley Kyk-Yerarse

S. O. Weir
T. O. T. Ally Gunner-Wynn &
Hartley Kyk-Yerarse
Senior Partners
Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse Solicitors LLC (Estd. 1568) 35 London, Englandshire.

Your Assignment from OSA

CONFIDENTIAL
OSA PR

Situation: Surveys over the past 25 years have consistently shown Church of Scientology events to be dull, boring, and garish money-grabs. Worse, the wog public believes COB to be a hustling, conniving, and dishonest cult leader. When surveyed, wogs who have never heard of COB RTC David Miscavige are shown this picture feel there is a mixed message: Is the glib television pitchman in the tuxedo selling encyclopedias or is recruiting for the Navy?

david-miscavige-freewinds-event-2009

COB Solution: COB wants his events to have the look, feel, and energy of this video:

Your Assignment: Do a series of Scientology-themed “dance club” videos and make it go right so that the public clamors for Scientology and floods into our Ideal Orgs.

Cease and Desist Letter to the Underground Bunker

Date 3 Feb 2016
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq
To: The Underground Bunker
Re: Cease and Desist

My client, the Religious Technology Center (RTC), finds the comments on the Underground Bunker to be harsh, exceedingly speculative, unfair, unfounded, enturbulative, dangerous, hostile, and harmful to my client Fleet Admiral David Miscavige, Lord High Ruler of the Espinol Star System and all churches, missions, and social betterment groups in the Scientology ecclesiastical hierarchy, except for Narconon which he has never heard of and with whom he has only a very distant corporate licensing relationship that was grandfathered in back in 1982 because the Founder hobbyhorsed on Narconon.

As Bunkerites you should be ashamed, but that’s not all. Your comments are not Free Speech in any meaningful way. Free Speech ends and religious persecution begins when Scientology is attacked. Essentially, Scientology may attack, impugn, malign, slander, and libel others in its own defense but you may not respond because you don’t know what it’s like to be a Scientologist, have never done a course, don’t know what Scientology is, and thus you are all stupid, ill-informed, generality-infested SP’s who should all be immediately hanged in the town square at noonday because you have no shame and attack Mankind’s only hope of salvation.

And make no mistake about it: This would be a grand hanging with balloons; a barbecue; clowns; games of chance; a three-legged race; festive ethnic foods; and the 127 piece Golden Era band accompanying the musical stylings of American Idol finalist Stacy Francis and international rap star Chill EB. Jim Mathers would also be there taking selfies.

But that’s not all. Freedom of Speech is not the freedom to attack the Scientology religion or its leader David Miscavige. If any of you Bunkerites realized that David Miscavige is a leading figure of our age whose heroic contributions have saved billions from the scourge of drugs, illiteracy, and crime you would be ashamed for joking & degrading about him.

But that’s not all. You should also be ashamed of mocking the Ideal Orgs, these oases of sanity in a world gone mad. Your disgraceful acts, and those of your co-conspirators prove, however, that you are not capable of being ashamed.

Let me make it clear and present your options in simple terms. If you do not immediately cease and desist in your efforts to Joke & Degrade about Scientology and my client Fleet Admiral David Miscavige with your idiotic and juvenile antics, we shall proceed with swift and sure legal action preventing your egregious misconduct and seeking the sum of ONE HUNDRED TRILLION TRILLION dollars in compensatory and punitive damages for the humiliation and intentional infliction of emotional distress your tortious acts have caused and will cause Fleet Admiral David Miscavige and all of Scientology.

Please confirm no later than 2 PM PST on February 15, 2016 that you will cease and desist from your lawless
behavior.

All rights are reserved.

Sincerely,

Bart Dixslurper, Esq.

Round One: Bart Dixslurper, Esq. Legal Correspondence with Science Monkeying-Nutford (the Third)

(From the 2/2/2106 comments section at the Underground Bunker)


CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION

Date: 2 Feb 2016
To: The Underground Bunker & All Bunkerites
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
Re: Criminal J&D

Dear Underground Bunker,

We have been retained as counsel by the Religious Technology Center (RTC), the holder of Scientology trademarks and copyrights.

It has come to RTC’s attention that you, the Underground Bunker, are co-conspirators in a plot to joke & degrade about the Church of Scientology and its ecclesiastical leader Fleet Admiral David Miscavige.

We have learned that you are doing this for money and are all being paid by Big Pharma. Your disgraceful acts, and those of your co-conspirators prove, however, that you are not capable of being ashamed.

Let me make it clear and present your options in simple terms. If you do not immediately cease and desist in your efforts to Joke & Degrade about Scientology and my client Fleet Admiral David Miscavige with your idiotic and juvenile antics, we shall proceed with swift and sure legal action preventing your egregious misconduct and seeking compensatory and punitive damages for the humiliation and intentional infliction of emotional distress your tortious acts have caused and will cause Fleet Admiral David Miscavige and all of Scientology.

Please confirm no later than 2 PM PST on February 4, 2016 that you will cease and desist from your lawless
behavior.

All rights are reserved.

Sincerely,
Bart Dixslurper, Esq.

Mr B. Dixsleurper,
No.
Respectfully,
Science Monkeying-Nutford (the Third)

Date: 2 Feb 2016
To: $cnMonkeyNut$
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
Re: Criminal J&D

Dear $cnMonkeyNut$,

Well it certainly would appear that haters are gon’ hate. Therefore, you are #1 on my shit list for refusing to respect my authoritay as a Scientology lawyer.

Please confirm no later than 2 PM PST on February 4, 2016 that you will cease and desist from your lawless behavior and hating of me. I am a player and will not be hated by a common wog monkey.

All rights are reserved.

Sincerely,
Bart Dixslurper, Esq.

Date: 2 Feb 2016
To: Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
Re: Criminal J&D

Dear Mr. Dixslurper,

While I appreciate that it might appear (to the untutored eye, perhaps), that I appear to be a hater of you (and your client), nothing could be further from the truth. My obvious disrespect for you and your client arises from the fact that:
1) Your client is the ‘Church’ of $cientology’s ‘Ecclesiastical’ leader Flute Admirer Dinky Microviolencemachine.
It therefore follows that:
2) I recognise no authoritay in you, for which I should exhibit even the slightest morsel of respect.

Awfully sorry, old fellow!

This missive is to confirm that my taking the piss out of your client by means of joking and degrading will continue, and no such cessation will occur by the specified time and date.

Furthermore, I find your direct communication vexatious–and would request any further unfounded statements of playerhood be addressed to my Solicitors, Messrs. Wier, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse, of 35 London, Englandshire.

Sincerely,

Science Monkeying-Nutford (the Third)

Date: 2 Feb 2016
To: Messrs. Wier, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse
35 London, Englandshire
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
Re: Your client Science Monkeying-Nutford (the Third)

Dear Messrs. Wier, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse,

We have been retained as counsel by the Religious Technology Center (RTC), the holder of Scientology trademarks and copyrights. In the Commonwealth countries we are known as COSRECI and are headquartered in a private home, the owner of which we have never, apparently, properly informed of such. See: http://tonyortega.org/2015/02/…

This bit of tax-evasion fuckery notwithstanding, your client Science Monkeying-Nutford (the Third) is a co-conspirator with a tiny handful of bitter suppressive persons (collectively known as Bunkerites) in a global conspiracy to criminally Joke & Degrade about my client Fleet Admiral David Miscavige, Lord High Ruler of the Espinol Star System and all Churches, Missions, and Social Betterment Groups in the Scientology Ecclesiastical Hierarchy.

These jokers & degraders — including your client — are not capable of being ashamed, this despite our repeated attempts at shaming them into ceasing and desisting with their shameful mockeries and various blasphemies directed against Fleet Admiral David Miscavige and the Church of Scientology.

BTW, I might add that Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has all his splendid haberdashery custom made in the finest boy’s stores on Saville Row. He also has his John Lobb shoes made in London.

But I digress.

The point is that I have twice now demanded your client to please confirm to me no later than 2 PM PST on February 4, 2016 that he will cease and desist from his lawless
behavior.

My demands have been met with derision and a lack of seriousness. I find this disturbing. We are the Church of Scientology after all and expect to be feared by God and Wog alike.

Please advise soonest of your client’s compliance with my very serious demands.

All rights are reserved.

Sincerely,

Bart Dixslurper, Esq.

Date: 2nd February 2016
To: Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
From: Hartley Kyk-Yerarse (Senior Partner), Messrs. Weir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse LLC (Solicitors)
Re: S. Monkeying-Nutford III

Dear Mr. Dixslurper,

Thank you for notifying us of your client’s opinion as to the actions of Mr. Monkeying-Nutford III. They have been passed onto our client for comment.

Our Client initially informs us, however, that he has no intention of desisting in the actions alleged by your client (including, but not limited to, the activities as outlined in your communication), nor from ceasing interaction with the group named by yourselves. Any paranoid conspiracy theories perceived by your client is solely the result of issues (possibly of a medical or psychiatric nature), entirely unrelated to our client’s activity.

May I thank your client for supporting this county’s economy and the luxury shoe and shirt markets. They do so love charging him ten times over the odds.

With specific reference to the time and date requirement for our client’s ceasing and desisting the lawless behaviour alleged by your clients, Mr. Monkeying-Nutford requested that we state: So Sue Him Then. Our client further states he has no fear of the personification of bronze-age socio-political control mechanisms, nor the ‘religion’ of an unknown, fourth-rate, sci-fi hack.

To conclude:
No compliance will be forthcoming from our client for your client’s, frankly frivolous, demands.

Yours sincerely,

Hartley Kyk-Yerarse

S. O. Weir
T. O. T. Ally Gunner-Wynn
Hartley Kyk-Yerarse
SENIOR PARTNERSWeir, Gunner-Wynn and Kyk-Yerarse Solicitors LLC (Estd 1568)

Threat Letter from Church Attorney Bart Dixslurper, Esq

CONFIDENTIAL  COMMUNICATION

Date: 1 Feb 2016
To: The Internet
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
Re: OT Documents and Criminal J&D

Dear Internet,

We have been retained as counsel by the Religious Technology Center (RTC), the holder of Scientology trademarks and copyrights.

As the holder of Scientology’s confidential OT materials, it has come to RTC’s attention that you, the internet, have OT materials — which became public documents in a lawsuit — available for download at various websites which include, but are not limited to, here, here, and here.

RTC has learned that you, the internet, have co-conspired with other internets to post these secret OT materials online in order to invade the privacy of Flag Land Base and the MV Freewinds.

These OT materials have been used to make money on the cartoon television show  South Park and in fake documentaries such as Going Clear. This has been done to engage in Joking & Degrading about Scientology in the most cavalier fashion. Your disgraceful acts, and those of your conspirators prove, however, that you are not capable of being ashamed.

Let me make it clear and present your options in simple terms. If you do not immediately cease and desist your efforts to Joke & Degrade about Scientology’s OT levels and my client Captain David Miscavige with your idiotic and juvenile antics, we shall proceed with swift and sure legal action preventing your egregious misconduct and seeking compensatory and punitive damages for the humiliation and intentional infliction of emotional distress your tortious acts have cause and will cause Mr. Miscavige and all of Scientology.

Please confirm no later than 5 PM PST on February 4, 2016 that you and all other co-conspiring internets will remove RTC’s OT levels and J&D about Mr. Miscavige and cease and desist from your lawless behavior.

All rights are reserved.

Sincerely,

Bart Dixslurper, Esq.