Scientology’s Enemies “Out Exchange” on Fair Game!

DM.12“While reviewing cash flow numbers today, Captain David Miscavige expressed vague unease at the one hundred million dollars in parishioner money being spent each month on Fair Game and lawyers,” declared Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Captain Miscavige cognited that the SP’s and bitter defrocked apostates whom we so vociferously and dutifully Fair Game are completely out exchange with the Church.”

“We in the Church of Scientology spend over one billion dollars annually on Fair Game for which we derive absolutely no financial benefit in return from these SP’s. Frankly,” Delusion confided, “our withering and decisive attacks on the HBO crowd drained our Fair Game budget through June. Looks like Sea Org won’t be paid anything until 2016.”

“Fair Game is just money down the drain,” Delusion lamented. “While we should be building more Ideal Orgs to keep up with the demand, we are nevertheless mandated to lavishly Fair Game SP’s — and in doing so we are rewarding downstats. All of these SP’s are such freeloaders! I hate them all!”

“Fair Game is of course an inherent, absurd, and incredibly expensive contradiction in the Founder’s logic that there should always be exchange. Nevertheless, we are unalterably committed to this wasteful course of action as we are ordered to ‘spare no expense’ in Fair Gaming SP’s by our own scriptures.”

“The internet be damned!” roared Delusion. “It is only a matter of more time and more money until Scientology wins!”

“Whereupon, the only sane answer is to create more money and in abundance. For this reason, Captain Miscavige is pleased to announce the new super deluxe Golden Age of Tech Phase II Platinum Basics Library. Priced at $12,500 per set, all Scientologists are hereby ordered to purchase ten sets for their homes and to donate so that every library in the world has a set.”

“Dig deep,” said Delusion. “Not only do we have a Planet to Clear — we also have a planet to Fair Game! Welcome to the Bridge to Total Freedom!”

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RTC Targets the Squirrel Group Neurotology

techWe in RTC have recently been made aware by our wog attorneys of a new squirrel group called Neurotology.

COB RTC David Miscavige was shown selected screenshots of a video proving that Neurotology has squirreled the internationally famous and globally acclaimed COB-produced Scientology anthem We Stand Tall.

Captain David Miscavige

Captain David Miscavige

The vicious Neurotology squirrels have even created a Diametrics Foundation.

These squirrels use a squirrel e-meter called the “brain machine” and make the wholly outrageous claim  “our brain machine can read your mind.”

Obviously created by a fabulist charlatan and populated by Psych-rejects and self-help trash, Neurotology charges $20,000 for its s0-called “brain machine” — a pretend mental health appliance that is actually a crude lobotomy device worn on the head:

The Neurotology squirrels have a space opera focused on a fictional being named Meepthorp. This is most definitely a Marcab implant insidiously laid in on the wholetrack some 790,919,082,158,051 years ago during Incident 16 — a cosmically deadly event that resulted in the Ninth Wall of Fire. Whereupon, the magnitude of this singular implant can only be handled using the exact and precise technology of Scientology.

However,  COB has banned these squirrels for all eternity.  None of them will ever receive any auditing!

The Neurotology Kingpin has ripped off COB’s fashion sense, hair, and grooming. This pretender to true spiritual enlightenment — and such enlightenment can be found only in Scientology — is actually quite a deranged and insane squirrel. The pompadoured Jim-dandy and his gauche designer shirt have “squirrel” written all over them:

An elusive figure who stays in hiding and only comes out to engage in highly scripted, phony, and closed-door PR events, the Neurotology Kingpin is regarded as a psychopathic and narcissistic criminal  cult leader who needs to be arrested and locked up in prison forever. We in RTC are offering a $10,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the Neurotology Kingpin.

COB RTC David Miscavige has sworn great wrath and vengeance upon the Neurotologoists. Mr. Miscavige has promised that these dangerous, money-grubbing, and phony status-seeking Neurotology squirrels will be brutally punished, beaten, stalked, sued, threatened, infiltrated, and spied on for years or even decades if needed.


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OTVIIIisGrrr8! Design Concept for New Scientology Website Rejected

LA.Times

Freedom Magazine Special Report on COB RTC David Miscavige.

Confidential: Draft of Freedom Magazine press release — Show only to parishioners in closed-door bonded briefings at Orgs. Bond is $150,000 on this one!

PVCWe in RTC have learned that a police officer on the payroll of Big Pharma planted a piece of ordinary PVC pipe in a PI’s car. The police officer called the piece of PVC a silencer. The PI went along with it because he had been sent in by HBO. The fix was in against COB and the Church: The PVC pipe was just more government copier paper.

The real criminal we are looking for is the plant in Scientology organizations who approved hiring the dirty PI. OSA was sec checked all last night in a search for those who have hidden intentions to destroy COB and harm Scientology organizations.

Going_Clear_PosterRolling back events in the timeline, HBO’s “Going Clear” had been seen by a grand total 67 people — all of whom had an ax to grind against the Church — and then all interest in the hate film died.

In what should have been the unlamented death of Going Clear, the L.A. Times suddenly prints an old story about what? A man who had a piece PVC pipe in his car? Since when did a plastic pipe used for garden sprinklers become a “silencer”? This happened in the desperate and overheated mind of HBO.

HBO is “giving away” a free weekend of viewing because they can’t sell their terrible programming. On the other hand, Scientology can barely keep up with the demand as millions of people flood our Ideal Orgs on seventeen continents and 15,901 countries. Scientology is being credited for bringing peace to the Middle East and solving the global drug problem with Narconon, the only safe drug treatment program.

Finally, as if our 46,700x straight up and vertical expansion weren’t enough, Flag has now 2000x more Theta!

David Miscavige Does Not Know the PI With the Gun and Silencer!

Link to LA Times Exclusive!


COB: Wadda yagot for me?

PI: Ahh, ya’s pops. He’s dyin out heres in a parking lot. Whad does I do? Calls fer help?

COB: Now waida minute pal! I’m real reeeligious sees. An bein’ as I’m so eeeclee-see-assticul and all, well I don’t wanna interfeer wit God if its what God wants to, yah know… just let God do whadever. We aint gonna interfee with nature and the angels and God or whatever the sitchu-achin is there. Capiche?

PI: So what…

COB: SO GO GETTA CUPPA COFFEE!!!

Mike Rowe Declared a “Looming Threat” to the Church of Scientology

Mike.Rowe

We in the Church of Scientology have been informed by our wog lawyers that celebrity Mike Rowe has joined forces with the Psychs by openly and publicly supporting Spanky Taylor.  Per Scientol0gy scripture this is a high crime and Rowe has been added to the Scientology Enemies List of 1,892,504,211 Suppressive Persons and growing.

“The looming threat to Scientology posed by Mike Rowe is that he may inspire other celebrities to take a public stand against the Church of Scientology,:” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “This would be a very bad thing as we in Scientology have always claimed celebrities as our exclusive property to control with our intensive mental hygiene program known as auditing.”

“We don’t appreciate Mr. Rowe, or any other celebrity for that matter, poking their big fat noses into Scientology’s business,” Delusion added. “And so for this reason Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has ordered emergency measures be taken.”


TOP SECRET — EYES ONLY — RTC EMERGENCY DIRECTIVE Q

Fleet Admiral Miscavige is extremely concerned about the powerful new and emerging “SP Celebrity Centre” clustering around Going Clear and the Underground Bunker.

RTC Emergency Directive Q has been ordered: The Scientology A Team will confront and shatter suppression. Mike Rowe will be handled by this hard-hitting team of Scientology nuclear physicists:

And yes, Minister Farrakhan is a Scientologist. He has a duty to step in and help confront and shatter fourth dynamic suppression.

Lorne Michaels of SNL Arrested by the Church of Scientology

“This so-called SNL ‘parody’ is yet another Psych-funded Black PR attack upon the Scientology religion,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

Speaking with more than his usual degree of outrage, hostility, and bitterness, Delusion emphatically stated, “This disgusting mockery of Scientology caused Captain David Miscavige to order SNL be Fair Gamed, stalked, harassed, sued, and screamed at on public streets by Scientologists.”

“Captain Miscavige  further ordered SNL producer Lorne Michaels arrested on charges of felony joking & degrading,” Delusion announced.

“An investigation by Freedom Magazine has revealed an unholy Psych-infested conspiracy between Lorne Michaels, the Illuminati, the Trilateral Commission, the Bilderbergers, the Rockefeller-Big Pharma Syndicate, and the usual merchants of chaos in SMERSH, NRO, NSA, NBC, CIA, FBI, and Wall Street.”

“Michaels was taken into custody early this morning following a pre-dawn raid on his home by OSA. After being  punched in his face a few dozen times by Captain Miscavige, Michaels was thrown into the Hole with the rest of the SP’s.”