RTC Surprise Inspection of the Complex

The Dead Author’s Podcast: L. Ron Hubbard

Pure comedy gold.

The Dead Authors Podcast — L Ron Hubbard — Part 1

The Dead Authors Podcast — L. Ron Hubbard — Part 2


The Shroud of Tom Cruise: The Proof of OTIX and OTX is Here!

Artist: Daniel Edwards                                       Cory Allen Contemporary Art

“”There has never been a better time to call yourself a Scientologist!” enthused Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Indeed, fully monumental and wholly epic proof of the miracles awaiting Scientologists on OT IX and OT X is here!” exulted Delusion. “Next week COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige will unveil the miraculous  thetanic Shroud of Tom Cruise in a sacred ceremony at Flag Land Base!”

“The Shroud of Tom Cruise is the perfect homoerotic companion piece to the golden statue of Mr. David Miscavige at St. Hill,” gushed Delusion.

“These two distinctive Scientology reliquaries aesthetically harmonize with Scientology tasteful IAS trophies — particularly the one recently awarded to Big Pharma Kingpin and OT Bob Duggan and his lovely wife Trish.”

“Of course Scientology’s aesthetic has always been a marvel; what other religion can possibly compete with the radiant effluvia of our stage sets?”


“And not to get too far ahead of things,” Delusion said giddily, “but the BIG BIG BIG FUNDRAISE for the new and splendiforous statue of the Founder begins now! This magnificent statue will be erected in Hollywood and placed at the old KCET building next to the 101 freeway where millions of drivers will see it daily. At night the statue will be bathed in 1,000,000 watt strobe lights; this to create a pulsating and hypnotic implanting effect on the general populace that will literally suck them into Scientology Ideal Orgs!”


Top Gun II — Maverick Has a Secret!

Top.Gun.2In Top Gun 2, Maverick has a secret: How does the aging OT jet jockey keep the flight surgeon from finding out he has a very bad case of hemorrhoids? And how does the fading Top Gun pay alimony to three ex-wives on an Air Force salary?

Maverick decides to earn extra cash by moonlighting. This caper involves  ferrying illegal Scientology Quantum e-meters to Cuba in an old C-130 owned by shady fellow OT Breed Flatkin.

Working at first only to pay for private hemorrhoid surgery that the Air Force will never find out about, Maverick is content to make a few bucks and then get out of the illegal e-meter scheme. But the money proves too good and Maverick is suddenly in over his head when OSA operatives in Miami and Havana get wind of the out tech criminal meters.

The manhunt is on for the SP bringing in the illegal meters to Cuba. Things go from bad to worse when Maverick discovers that Cuban gangsters and IAS regges are skimming a big a cut of the action from the booming new Havana Ideal Org — and they want to deal him in for a percentage if he agrees to fly in hundreds of tons of non-RTC approved bogus Chinese niacin and CalMag for the Purif.

Does Maverick ruthlessly put in Ethics on himself by writing up a fully documented KR in which he confesses the details of the entire conspiracy to OSA?

Or does the Top Gun go criminal and throw in with the Psychs who are trying to destroy Scientology and thereby smash all hopes of salvaging Cuba after seven decades of Communist dictatorship?

The Cold War warrior with a hair-trigger finger up his own backside faces off against OSA, gangsters, engrams, ex-wives, and a nasty case of ‘roids in this taut action thriller!

Ethics Issue: Jenna and Bodhi Elfman

techWe in RTC are incensed by the profane and sexually explicit  YouTube videos made by Bodhi and Jenna Elfman. Sexually explicit and vulgar talk in public is conduct unbecoming a Clear. Therefore, the Clear certificates of Jenna and Bodhi Elfman are hereby cancelled.

The OUT PR conduct and videos of Jenna and Bodhi Elfman are violative of the high moral standards of the Church of Scientology.

Jenna Elfman @15:26 – “I’d blow a horse to be able to sit around all day and watch Netflix…”

Using the “F word” and talking about blowjobs and blowing a horse after letting the world know they have attained OT states is not acceptable.  Therefore, all certificates above Clear for Bodhi and Jenna Elfman are also hereby cancelled.

Return Program for Jenna and Bodhi Elfman:

1.  Jenna and Bodhi must redo their entire Bridge at their own expense.

2. Jenna and Bodhi must make a monumental and heroic donation to the IAS to make up for the horrific damage done they have done to the group.

3. Jenna and Bodhi must cease their public vulgarity so as not to further harm the spotless ethical reputation of the Church of Scientology.

If this conduct persists, Jenna and Bodhi Elfman will be declared Type III and ordered onto the Introspection Rundown by the Sr. C/S Int.  Needless to say, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is not amused.

Captain Flag Land Base: Come and Work for Sea Organization!


Professor David Miscavige’s Miracle Cure!