Church of Scientlology Body Thetan Protection Suit


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Pope Hillary Declares Wiping Hard Drives a Protected Religious Sacrament

Pope.HillaryTaking her lead from the Church of Scientology, Pope Hillary Clinton of the First Church of Jesus Christ Socialist declared the wiping of hard drives to be a protected religious sacrament and not a crime.

“We in the Church of Jesus Christ Socialist believe that all hard drives are living and intelligent beings who, to find God’s forgiveness, must be sacramentally wiped clean of their sins by use of  powerful ceramic magnets, electromagnetic fields, acid bath baptism, and the cleansing ritual of the acetylene torch,” said Pope Hillary during a religious service today at the Church of Election Headquarters in Washington DC.

“As the global ecclesiastical leader of the First Church of Jesus Christ Socialist, I was obeying the scriptures of my religious faith and am therefore protected by the First Amendment. There are no felonies here,” decreed Pope Clinton.

“I am simply being persecuted for my faith by the usual crowd of religion haters, atheists, bitter defrocked Democrats, Republican bigots, Communists, Psychs, and a tiny handful of unemployed bloggers on the fringes of the internet.”

“There is also a witchcraft coven in New Mexico casting diabolical spells on me.”

Robbing Ron to Pay Dave

Danny.Sherman“The Church of Scientology is gripped in an unprecedented financial crisis of heretofore unimaginable and nightmarish magnitudes,” declared acting Finance Dictator Mr. Dan Sherman.

“Not only has the price of rice and beans skyrocketed, but GAT II income is 192,815% below predicted levels. Worse, refund requests are  running at  highest ever levels with 332,416,022 refund requests received just this month.”

DM.22“As a result,” Mr. Sherman declared, “his Ecclesiastical Thetanship David Miscavige is feeling the pinch. Why just last week his regularly scheduled shipment of fresh New Zealand lamb was delayed when the check from the COB Food Fund bounced.”

“Whereupon, and to make matters worse, COB’s credit card was declined when he went to buy a mere $2,500,000 in $1,000 chips at the Tritium Kitty Kat Casino in New Mexico. The embarrassment!”

“In order to keep  his Ecclesiastical Thetanship flush, then, the hundreds of millions of dollars per year paid in royalties to the Church of Scientology International as well as the royalties paid to the Church of Spiritual Technology will henceforth be paid directly to David Miscavige Personal Way to Happiness Fund, a trust based in Curacao.”

The boards of the Church of Scientology International and the Church of Spiritual Technology unanimously approved this diversion of funds in view of Mr. Miscavige’s herculean labors and massive humanitarian work on behalf of Mankind, especially the little people, the forgotten people. In the event, robbing Ron to pay Dave goes all the way back to the 1980’s so there is precedent for this.”

CSTAnd besides” Mr. Sherman added, “the Founder is quite dead and doesn’t need royalties continually paid to him forever. Moreover, we as a Church can’t afford to  keep spending perfectly good money to dig more and more holes in the ground to endlessly bury more LRH metal plates. Enough already!”

“Quite honestly, we in the Church of Scientology feel that the Founder has violently smashed his name into history to an adequate degree and has made his point. It’s now time to take that money and give it to David Miscavige.”

Group Bank of the Church of Scientology to Engage in Quantative Easing to Prevent Collapse

sec.checkScientology Finance Dictator  Dr. Werner Von Strudeldorf today announced that the Group Bank of the Church of Scientology would engage in quantitative easing to prevent the utter financial collapse of the Church.

“With the exceptions of a few whales,” said  “99.9% of Church parishioners and Sea Org members are broke. Therefore, the Group Bank is pumping in $1,000,000,000 to finance auditing at 0% interest.”

“We have to get butts in seats, err, preclears in session,” emphasized Dr. Von Strudeldorf. “Therefore, the Group Bank is loaning preclears money at 0% interest with 10,000 year repayment terms to continue up their Bridges. ”

“We are basically doing this so that COB RTC David Miscavige’s Ideal Orgs are not 100% empty on a 100% basis, this as they are at the present time.

“More than 5 Scientologists have taken loans since the program began last week,” noted Dr. Von Strudeldorf.

Amazonology: The World’s Fastest Growing Religion!


Bloomberg Business today announced that Amazonology has officially passed Scientology as the world’s fastest growing religion. Ned Jacobs, Senior Editor of Bloomberg’s Religious-Capitalism Fusions Unit, reported that Amazonology eclipsed Scientology last week after three key events occurred:

*5.8 billion people now self-identify their religious faith as Amazonology. Of these self-declared Amazonologists, 3.8 billion have signed Amazonology’s one trillion year Prime Contract.  The Prime Contract is both a solemn vow and a legally binding contract to shop on Amazon for the next trillion years.

*Amazonology just opened its 2,722,501 Ideal Fulfillment Center.

Amazonology ecclesiastical leader Jeff Bezos

Amazonology ecclesiastical leader Jeff Bezos

* Clerical employment in Amazonology’s Fulfillment Org is now, if such a thing can even be believed, much more brutal than in Scientology’s Sea Org.

Amazonology’s ecclesiastical leader Jeff Bezos hotly denied that working conditions were bad and blamed “bitter defrocked Amazonologist apostates and eBay bigots” for spreading Black PR against Amazonology.  “We are the most efficient group on the planet,” Bezos added.

Religious trading markets reacted sharply to the news that Amazonology had surpassed Scientology as the world’s fastest growing religion. A massive selloff of Scientology shares sent prices plunging to -$2,559 per share. Scientology billionaire Bob “Big Pharma” Duggan and Religious Technology Center boss David Miscavige immediately reacted to the news by buying back 50,000000 Class A shares of Church of Scientology International stock. “We have to turn this dire situation around,” said Miscavige, “or this planet is lost.”

Tom Cruise was unavailable for comment.

The Release of OTIX and OTX Announced!

“And now you know the rest of the story.” explained Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Project Mouse Table was needed for COB to actually write down the numbers involved in OTIX and OTX, numbers so large that, even when written with his tiny fists of fury, the numbers stretched from Int Base to Enoch, Utah. And hence, the world’s longest and costliest mouse table at $890,000,000 has done its duty. COB’s mighty Mouse Table is being laser sawed into one foot sections (1/3 of a meter) and sold along with official RTC burlwood pens to IAS members for a donation of $5,000,000 and a special ‘IAS COB Mouse Table Patron Gloria in Excelsis Deo’ status — a status already achieved by OT’s Bromantica Bob Duggan and Grant Cardone.”

“COB RTC announced today that OTIX and OTX can only be delivered in a special entheta-free underwater city. The FUNDRAISE begins now for the new Super OT Underwater City, an ambitious program requiring massive wherewithal.”


And of course, what else is needed is to create the new and fully embracive 115 volume edition of the OTIX and OTX library on nuclear proof titanium plates and then build new nuclear proof vault in which to house them. Only once these materials are made safe may their release be contemplated — and then again only to those Scientologists who have completed their new GAT II Bridge up to OTVIII and have reached IAS Platinum Chrome Cheeseburger status.

Top Secret Documents Leaked! NWO Psych Conspiracy Revealed!





Purpose: The WABITT is a psychoactive “AI” electronic implanting device intended for use on human planets in the early phases of their discovery and use of radio, television, and internet transmission technologies. WABITT’s are ideally introduced in the period when radio has been stable for several decades and wide-scale television and the internet use are beginning to occur.

1. Cultural Psycho-Prompts: Coincident with initial WABITT deployment in by contrail-dispersal aircraft, SIG LLC will stage the requisite flying saucer crashes, hoaxes, conspiracies, and “signs and wonders” to increase public interest in New Age, psychiatric, religious, and occultic groups and conspiracy theories.

2. Powering Up the WABITT: WABITT’s are released on a stealth basis by SIG LLC  aircraft equipped with contrail dispersal gear. WABITT’s are dispersed atmospherically. They are capable of continuously self-charging their internal 64 year batteries by scavenging ambient WiFi, television, and radio broadcast energy. An internal switching circuit allows WABITT’s to scavenge power from the SIG LLC satellite network that beams Tesla power wirelessly to WABITT’s.

3. Deployment:  Once released in the stratosphere by SIG LLC contrail aircraft, the prevailing winds disperse tens of trillions of WABITT’s globally.

4. Attraction and Clustering to Human Bodies: The WABITT 98.6 F guidance system seeks human body temperature and thus guides itself towards humans using its autopilot circuit. Once a WABITT is within one meter of a human, it releases an energetic microwave pulse to implant itself onto the human. The statistical distribution is such that all humans on Teegeeack have 350,000-2,500,000 WABITT’s attached to their bodies.

5. Activation: Once implanted on the body of a human, the WABITT self-activates its onboard radio, television, and internet receivers and psycho-transmitters.

6. The Scientology Angle: WABITT Technology is the actual undisclosed basis of the Scientology upper levels and has been for decades since the secret agreement between CSC and SIG LLC. Due to their low current DC output, WABBIT devices read on the e-meter and hence are detectable. This functionality provides self-referential  proof to willing adherents.


NOTE: SIG LLC licensees understand and acknowledge that WABBIT’s have no user serviceable parts, are not dishwasher safe, and will not open hatch covers to inspect the patented, secret inner mechanisms of ATS’ proprietary psychotronic technology.

6A. Recording: Each WABITT can digitally record up to three minutes of randomly-selected radio, television, and internet content. The content on each WABBIT is randomly erased and new content recorded. Time intervals for random erasure range from sixty seconds to sixty-two years. Erasure is initiated by a randomizer. Randomity is an essential product feature of WABBIT’s.

6B. Pseudo-Personality Software: The patented WABITT AI software algorithm is selective in recording dialogue from both real and fictional characters on television, radio, and online. The WABITT records dialogue in order to feedback, or mimic, the apparency that it is a real person. When telepathically contacted by a human OT, the WABITT will appear to be an actual entity interacting with the human OT. When telepathically contacted by a Christian or a Muslim, the WABBIT can mimic an angel, a demon, or the jinn. Other WABBIT’s will oppose the primary WABBIT being contacted in order to initiate inner conflict and drive a person to seek one of the cures secretly sold by SIG LLC front groups, organizations, and religions.

6C. Challenge Default Software: When presented with a challenge from a human OT that its pseudo-person software cannot process, the challenge default software on the WABITT will prompt it to claim that is has been somnolent or has had amnesia on the wholetrack and has just been woken up.

6D. Inc II Default: All WABITT’s include a Inc II recall data loop. This is purely fictional but nevertheless serves to validate the upper level claims of Inc II of OT III.

6E: R6 Defaults: All WABITT’s include data recall loops that support all major Teegeeack religious images. Note: The auto-switching circuitry will fail in 2.5% of the human population due to anomalies in body chemistry that are not understood. This will cause these individuals to freewheel through the recordings and data streams of their 350,000 – 2,500,000 WABITT’s. Conversely, 2.5% of the human population will become various sorts of geniuses due to harmonic amplification of WABITT data streams. Both extremes are perplexing and degrade SIG LLC NWO master planning.

Method Patent: The WABITT is based on AI. The WABITT device is a wireless, pseudo-telepathic receiver and transmitter that creates a fragmentary, artificial personality. Each of the 35,000 – 50,000 WABITT’s clustered upon each human receives and records random snippets of radio, television, and internet signals and then transmits this content into the mind of humans. The vast data torrent transmitted by WABBITS is subjectively experienced and interpreted by humans in various ways:

A. As intrapsychic conflict between warring identities. Hence, the WABITT can easily induce schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, and/or other “psychiatric” and “religious” disorders.

B. Mental chatter to be ignored by use of Zen.

C. Voices inside of one’s head to be obeyed.

D. Voices inside of one’s head to be physician-medicated or self-medicated.

E. Inconsequential biological noise that can be ignored.

F. Endless and free creative content.

H. Deja Vu experiences

I. Religious visions, raptures, and ecstasies.

J. Mental image pictures and/or engrammic content about which something can and must be done.

K. Auditory and/or visual hallucinations.

L. Apparitions, ghosts, extraterrestrials, and various other entities.

M. When used with Scientology brand solo auditing, the WABITT senses e-meter low voltage and auto switches to its BT mode.

The versatile WABITT can be used to create intrapsychic conflict and thus monetize Religion, Psychiatry, Scientology, and many other lucrative mass movements, frenzies, fads, political rage, popular delusions, madness, and other profitable psychopathologies. The WABITT is most fundamentally a device used to manipulate and control humans.

Monetization: SIG LLC secretly offers “cures”, “pharmaceuticals”, and “religious technology” to various groups in exchange for gold, platinum, or titanium bars. What SIG LLC actually does is to remotely switch off a percentage of WABITT’s in a given group in order to create the apparency of religious deliverance, psychiatric cures, spiritual freedom, the state of Clear, or other apparently miraculous breakthroughs that are ultimately without substance. WABBITS are in the 0 state or the 1 state. 0 state is experienced as pain. The 1 state is experienced as pleasure.

By cycling 0 and 1 sequences from the SIG LLC satellites and the Mount Shasta very large emitter grid array, the human population is kept in a perpetual quest for cure, salvation, and happiness in exchange for which they will pay our front groups all of their substance. Some SIG LLC front groups are more profitable with WABBIT technology than others. As a general statement, however, WABITT’s are Squey.