Ask COB Anything

DM.Sydney.3Time once again for one of our favorite features:

Ask COB Anything!

We in RTC are engaging in this unusual solution in order to out create the 500,000+ views (and climbing) YT video that some SP got when he filmed three key Sea Org who were on a mission of mercy to handle him.

47XOTSuperpowerSRDHighestEver!

.3Scarysacry.1DM.Sydney.4

COB RTC David Miscavige names Tom Cruise “World’s First Clear!”

TOm.Cruise.Project.2015

Vowing to “never let a woman keep us apart again” COB RTC David Miscavige reunited with his best friend this evening during the IAS ceremony at East Grinstead, Sussex. And as if their reunion were not enough, COB proclaimed Tom Cruise the world’s first Clear.

“Prior to GAT II, the state of Clear had never been truly reached,” Mr. Miscavige declared to the busload of Scientologists in attendance. “But now, thanks to the revolutionary technical breakthrough that is GAT II, Tom Cruise went Clear last month at Flag Land Base.”

Speaking to the nearly packed front row, Tom Cruise  announced, “I… I.. I am finally me. I am myself and I am not someone else… not… not… I’m not anyone else except myself for the first time in forever. Any my reactive mind? POW! Gone. Vanished.”

“Thank you COB, thank you sir,” Tom Cruise said, “thank you for the magical semicircle that is GAT II, thank you for cancelling the last vestiges of wog reasonability and rationality in the Church,  and thank you for obliterating Psychiatry. We finally have a chance to begin clearing this planet at the scene of one accident at a time.”

COB then awarded himself the Medal of Victorious Valor, a singular medal eclipsing by magnitudes of importances and significances Tom Cruise’s Medal of Valor. And certainly COB’s Medal of Victorious Valor makes the very common IAS medals look like the dull tin stars worn by Venezuelan dictators.

Violent and Abusive Scientology Juvenile Delinquent Sent from US to Africa

SAPCO.1

Scientology Africa Problem Child Organization (SAPCO) has, once again, preserved sanity and peace in America by placing a particularly vicious and insane American juvenile delinquent with an OT family in Johannesburg.

“D” will be handled using the harshest Scientology justice actions,” SAPCO CO/INT Mr. Radovan Krejcir declared.

“This ‘D’ will be no problem for we at SAPCO, particularly given the fact that he has been cut off from his IAS piggy bank. ‘D’ will be running laps under the hot sun in the SAPCO compound until such a time as he destimulates from his incident and fully writes up his overts and withholds,” Mr. Krejcir stated.

Scientology Africa Handling “Problem Children” For Wealthy Scientology Parishioners

snob

Wealthy Scientology OT Pharmaceutical Billionaire Dob Ruggan

Are you a wealthy Scientology parishioner in good standing with the Church?

Do you have a problem child or children?

If so, then the Scientology Africa Problem Child Organization (SAPCO) stands ready to serve you. Here’s how it works:

1. Donate for one Ideal Org in Africa per problem child + $15,000 USD per month in expenses.

2. Your problem child is shipped into Africa on a Scientology Religious Worker’s Visa. Whereupon, you can forget that this child ever existed. He or she is no longer your problem. This leaves you free to go up your Bridge and run your group of companies. Your money and Bridge, after all, are senior to any second dynamic considerations.

3. Your child is kept inside a Scientology compound where he or she is minded by tough hand-selected OT’s who tolerate no backflash. These compounds have been personally approved by COB RTC David Miscavige and are guarded 24/7 by local mercenaries.

4. Outside of the COB-approved Scientology compound is a very dangerous environment. Spoiled rich children are far too terrified to leave the compound and venture outside, particularly when they have no money. And then there are the mercenary guards. Moreover, no phones or internet connections are allowed. On the other hand, SAPCO compounds are Tech-rich and feature a running program and a full Basics and Congresses library.

5. Any misbehavior is ruthlessly handled using highly successful Tech proven effective by Scientology OT Wally Hanks:

IAS Donations Give 47x More Case Gain Than Auditing!

dodge4a

Sea Org Commander Svetlana Yuriev

RTC Commander Svetlana Yuriev of the IAS Upgraded Patrons Yabbering Organization United R6’ers (IAS UP YOURS) today reminded all Scientologists of the single most vital planetary-changing datum:

“IAS Donations give 47x more case gain than auditing.”

“This is an actual technical fact,” stated Commander Yuriev. “Research has shown that donations to the IAS increase case gain 47x, which is to say IAS donations blow away all Bridge actions including the so-called GAT II stuff.”

Commander Yuriev emphasized this point: “COB RTC David Miscavige’s research has conclusively proven that the 5,000 IJC justice actions conducted since 2002 all share one common overt. In 100% of all justice actions, the  failure to donate in sufficient magnitude to the IAS and the failure to regularly increase one’s IAS Patron status resulted in an out ethics situations that led to Suppressive Persons Declares and/or beatings.”

“In other words,” Commander Yuriev declared, “If you want real case gain, then stop wasting time on the Church of Scientology Bridge and start increasing your IAS Patron status now! We in the IAS are, after all, so much better than the Church and all of its Psych-infested Ideal Org dramatizations!”

PatronMaximus

Narconon Declared a Suppressive Activity and Group!

angryman

Social Betterment Dictator Igor Bludoggian

Social Betterment Dictator Mr. Igor Bludoggian today declared Narconon a suppressive activity and group.

“The disgusting and filthy group of Psych-infested wholetrack criminals known as Narconon has brought the  Church of Scientology and Captain David Miscavige into wide disrepute and legal problems,” Bludoggian stated.

“The hammer has dropped:   Narconon will be disposed of quietly and without sorrow!”

“As a consequence of Narconon being cast into the outer darkness,  Captain Miscavige is realigning the entire social betterment sector of Scientol0gy into a harmonious and unified vision called Voice For Humanity. Further details will be announced by Captain Miscavige at the upcoming IAS event which will be held at the Denny’s on Sunset Boulevard near the Ideal Pacifica Base.”

VOH